Read anything about the new year and how to start it and you may quickly become overwhelmed. The popular thought out there is that NOW is the time to plan your whole year, clean your closets, map out your schedules, decide where you’re going to vacation in June and start saving for it and you better figure out just how many times you need to work out to get the perfect sized bum.

All that energy just after Christmas makes me tired. Planning is all fine and good, but isn’t January for dreaming and drinking London Fogs and whittling down your to-be-read stack of books?

So many times, I get in my own way, no matter the season. January comes along and I want to make this the year! I make plans, menus and lists. I buy workout gear or a new something to support my fantasy version of myself, hoping this time I am going to get it right. Then I miss a workout or have a set back. Mid-January I throw my hands up in despair. Once again, I failed.

Sound familiar?

I’ve talked to many women who say “I’ve tried so many diets and workouts, crafts and hobbies. I get a strong start but fade out when I don’t get results right away or I can’t do it correctly right away.” All-or-nothing equals perfectionism. Perfectionism almost always equals failure, or at the least, a deep sense of dissatisfaction.

There is a pressure in today’s world to always be making yourself into something better. Blog posts offer many different methods for re-vamping your whole life. New Year’s resolutions are touted as being a helpful tool to help you change what needs changing. I used to believe it all. Now I wonder if it isn’t just a tactic to keep us coming back for more of whatever it is they’re selling or teaching. Let’s be wise to the transient nature of self-improvement but also not throw the baby out with the bath water, as they say.

I’m fairly certain that many of you are like me – you don’t do resolutions. I was in a
group that was asked if they make resolutions. Of the thirty or so ladies, only two or three said they made ONE resolution this year. I wondered if we are a group of people that don’t want to improve ourselves? I don’t think so. I’m fairly certain each one of us has areas we know we could improve, but the pressure of doing it all right now makes us stop before we even start. I think the pressure is too great. It’s difficult to reach goals and still live our imperfect lives. But maybe there is a way in the all-or-something approach.

All-or-nothing leaves no room for the day you wake with a cold. It leaves no flexibility for a spur of the moment picnic. All-or-something on the other hand, gives a chance for life to happen. All-or-something lets you be happy with a shorter workout or leaving your dishes to soak while reading to your child.

With the all-or-something approach, some days you will do it all and feel great about it. Some days you will do something and it may be more than you expected and feel great. Some days something will only be the minimum little bit, but still you are making progress toward your goal. Baby steps are still steps and they can even be tottering and stumbling steps.

A Simple Start to a Great Year

Instead of looking forward, try planning next year by looking back. Think about the past year and find the thing you learned that has been sticking with you. Carry that activity, perspective or rule, accidental wisdom, whatever it was, with you into the new year. There’s no need to analyze everything you tried or learned. No need to even look over the whole year. Just take the first thing you think of. Look for simple things: Tacos on Tuesday worked for you? Bring it. Husband straightened the living room with the kids while you cleaned up supper? Keep it! You got into the habit of more water? Don’t stop now.

Keeping one thing that worked for you is a great example of all-or-something mindset. It’s wisdom to understand you can’t change everything. It’s smart to realize you can’t do everything you want to right now. Continuing on with one thing that worked for you is doable. All-or-something acknowledges that mistakes do happen, unexpected setbacks will befall us, and children will get sick. On those days you won’t do it all, but something is possible.

By default, human nature is not static. It’s nice to think I can just stay here. Where I am is good enough. But it’s proved in my own life that if I don’t make a deliberate effort to go forward, I’m soon moving backwards. But that’s not asking you to change your world. It’s only asking you to do some little thing that seems possible today.

Small habits compound to become big successes over time. I realized towards the end of last year that my little girls do a really good job of doing dishes (no dishwasher here.) That’s one thing I’m keeping. It’s amazing to me how much better I feel with them working alongside me in the kitchen. I’m convinced they feel good for having completed a task. This isn’t a big thing. I can do the dishes in about the same amount of time by myself, but working together makes us all feel good. So why not keep it?

My sister says she is keeping a sugar-free breakfast with protein. It’s not a perfect diet but it is something she did consistently without too much angst last year. It can only get easier as she keeps doing it.

So, find your thing and keep it. Don’t worry about all the things that are not getting done. Give yourself a chance to just be this winter season and see what happens!
-Eva